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Samantha's Dawson's Creek Fiction

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Campfire Confessions
Give Me A Reason
GMAR prt 1
GMAR prt 2
GMAR prt 3
GMAR prt 4
GMAR prt 5
GMAR prt 6
GMAR prt 7
How It's Supposed to Be
HISB prologue
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Promicide: The Lost Scenes
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PROM prt 2
PROM prt 3
PROM prt 4
PROM prt 5
PROM prt 6
PROM prt 7
The Kiss
TK prt 1
This Entangled Web
You'll Be Strong
YBS prt 1
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YBS prt 6
Links
GMAR prt 7

Part 7

The sun shone through her window, highlighting the left side of her face to a bright, pale yellow glow. She cruised down the highway, taking occasional glances at the trees and the buildings whizzing by. When her eyes caught the steady rhythm of the short, yellow stripes painted on the road, a small smile curled up on her lips. They hadn't changed from the last time she watched them and there was a small amount of comfort in that, knowing one thing remained constant as everything else continued in a cycle of growth and change. This time though, she liked the changing. She rejoiced in the way most things didn't remain one way forever. For if they did, she'd be stuck depending on that yellow line. Now though, she felt like she depended only on herself, and that that line was nothing but a tool to help her along her way. "I'm 'bout to change my vibe." Her lips moved, matching the lyrics to a Janet Jackson song flowing out of her speakers, "Today the sun's gonna shine, 'cause I made up my mind, that today will be the start of better days. Leavin' old shit behind and move on with my life. The blindfolds off my eyes, and now all I see for me is better days." She couldn't help smiling at the lyrics of the song, which strangely fit with her emotions. A few days ago her car had felt confining and like a prison for her misery, but now it felt liberating, like it was a wide open door, and through the door was the rest of her life.

..."Your eyes," he said sweetly, "those sad eyes of yours. I've never seen such sad eyes in my entire life"...

She looked to her side at the empty seat next to her. Nothing could get to her now; being alone on the open road couldn't, and definitely not her own introspection. She enjoyed the peacefulness of being by herself, and the tranquility of her thoughts whispering inside of her head.

...Her eyes scanned the entire space slowly. She examined the faces that sipped overpriced cocktails or wines, quickly determining the eighteen to twenty-eight age range...

The window was open half way; the whooshing sound of the highway went by her and the wind pushed her hair back, the ends of the shiny auburn strands flapping behind her. Her hands held onto the steering wheel comfortably and she pressed her lips together, blotting the rich burgundy lipstick she was wearing. She was feeling refreshed, almost like a new person. The air smelled sweet with opportunity, and the open road screamed with all the chances that she knew lay ahead of her. What she left back there in that Los Angeles hotel room was a part of her that she hoped not to be greeted by anytime soon. It was the part of her that would cry herself to sleep with the memory of a time that she thought was amazing, in every sense of the word. It was the part of her that wouldn't---couldn't let go of the past. That part though, was nowhere near her as her car traveled along the asphalt, and instead of dwelling, she looked back at what had happened over the past few days with a slight grin on her face.

...She gasped instantly and put a hand up to her mouth. She felt her body go weak as their eyes locked, and her stomach felt like it had fallen to her feet as she searched his eyes for some meaning from across the room...

She was headed in the direction that she came from, but she felt like she was doing anything but going back. If she were going back, driving this way wouldn't feel so good. Mile by mile, her car drove further away from Los Angeles, and the more miles she drove the freer every single part of her felt. She was moving forward on the road and onward in her life. Her thoughts and memories no longer haunted her, but inspired her to approach her life head on. And when she thought of him she knew that she would no longer cry or sulk, but instead she'd smile at all the good, and even the bad times that they shared.

...They both smiled a little, and she lowered her eyes from his. It hurt so much to look into them and to remember everything they had...

Driving was her declaration of independence. It was her ultimate escape and her safest haven. One thing she knew about herself was that she ran away from dilemmas. When life got bad or too hard to handle she'd pack up and drive far away from the problem that faced her. Most of the time though, running away from things only served to make the situation worse. This time things were different. This time she wasn't running away. Instead she was running towards something, towards the rest of her life that loomed on the horizon. The best lessons she ever learned were out there on the open road, whether they be learned at a stop she made, or introspectively as the car cruised along the asphalt, they always seemed to do wonders for her in the next stage of her life. Back there in Los Angles she had faced a situation that she thought could only happen in a movie, and came out of it stronger. It could have destroyed her, it could have left her weak and in dire need of help, but it didn't. Alternatively, she was now full of vigor and a passionate hunger for life and everything that lay ahead.

..."It's in your eyes," He raised a tender hand to her cheek, "And it breaks my heart because you have to move on. You are an amazing, beautiful woman with so much to share with the world. So much to share with some other lucky guy who will happen to stumble upon you."
"It breaks YOUR heart?" She pushed his hand down. "It breaks your heart because you assume I haven't moved on? That is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. You have no idea what you are talking about. I have moved on." She lied, but kept her gaze on him in order to make it less obvious...

She had no idea what the future was holding for her, and she wondered if things would be different now that she had this renewed strength and energy. But then it hit her suddenly, and she stopped wondering. Things would be different; there would be no more pining, no more salt soaked pillowcases or half- empty bottles of wine. Saying she was over him might have been a stretch, but you could not protest that she was getting there. She would be over him soon enough, and maybe she wouldn't completely move on until she began to develop romantic feelings for someone else, but there was no doubt in her mind that she would get over him. Doing the opposite was not even an option. It wasn't worth it, she decided, because there was so much more out there just waiting to be experienced. There was no way she was going to miss all the chances that lay ahead because she was hung up on her ex-boyfriend.

...They pulled away from the fiery kiss slowly and mutually. Their eyes locked in a heated, emotion filled stare; neither wanted to ruin the moment with words. As if on command, he kissed her again, entangling his large hands in her soft hair...

The landscape began to change gradually as she drove further away from Los Angeles. By the end of the day she hoped to be in Las Vegas, where she'd find herself another Holiday Inn to sleep at, and maybe a bar to entertain her. Sometimes she loved being by herself and at other times she despised it. It was when she wanted to go out and have fun that she wished there was someone else with her. A girl could never be too careful, she learned, especially when men and alcohol were involved. She was no stranger to the fact that she was attractive to men, and when she was alone in a bar type situation she often wished she had a girlfriend around to retreat to. But the upside of being by herself was that there was no one else she had to look out for or think about; she could do whatever she wanted and nobody could tell her otherwise. The independence was refreshing; it was invigorating and inspiring. This time, though, she didn't need someone else to feed her the inspiration. Her own thoughts and ideas were inspiring enough.

..."I can guarantee you," her voice sounded so sure of herself but also shaky as she held back her tears and pushed down the lump rising in her throat, "that everything I've said has been real."
"I can't."...

Leaving was never simple for her, even though to some it would seem like it was the easiest thing in the world for her to do. Even if her departure was from a place she had no attachment to, there was still something so heartbreaking about packing up and going. Maybe it was because she always felt like she was leaving something behind, some part of herself that she would never be able to get back. It was the experiences and the lives she once had that were so hard to desert. "Lives" is said in plural because that is how she felt. She felt like she had many different lives inside one big one. To some people she was one person and to others she was another. It wasn't like she did any of this on purpose, but the people she'd associate with usually caught her in one of her many different stages. Finally though, as she drove Eastward on that California highway, the numerous stages began to mold together, her separate lives became one, and she had a whole new perspective on who she was.

..."I think..." He began, looking straight at her water hazed eyes, then pausing a moment to gather his courage, "I think that we're both looking for some kind of answer, a reason, we could call it, for all of this. We're searching and searching for something to say, for the reason that we stumbled across each other, but it's not there"...

When she looked back on the last few days, it would not be with sorrow or regret, but with acceptance and an understanding of what had happened. It was a weird twist of fate that had brought her to that Los Angeles nightclub and put her face to face with the memories that were haunting her. It was something she never expected, but she was grateful for the unpredictable nature of things. If it weren't for the unforeseen moments, nothing would ever happen. If you knew what was going to happen every minute of every day, life would not be what we knew it to be. There was something exciting about never knowing what was going to happen next, and yet a comfort in the things that remained constant. Like that yellow line, for instance. It whizzed past her, one after the other after the other. Maybe that is what its reason was. Sure the line was there to mark the lanes of the road, but to her it was also there to be the one everlasting element in her life. Everything had a reason, she concluded. Every event, every moment, every single word spoken was said for some reason. He had said that there was no reason, that there was no answer as to why they happened to come across each other in the most random of situations, but suddenly it hit her. Her newfound freedom was the reason. Her open mind and open heart were the reasons. The fact that she was moving on was the reason. Now she knew that every tear, every smile, every shouted word and every whispered confession were all worth it. Seeing him and experiencing him just one more time made everything crystal clear. Her whole life was waiting for her, and that was the ultimate reason.

..."Your eyes..." He articulated softly, "they don't look sad anymore."


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